Dark skies, pouring rain and a bumpy landing heralded our arrival in Ambon in the Mollucas (Malukus). Heavy rain, brooding skies and floods accompanied us throughout these few days, and the greyness seemed to permeate our being as we looked, listened, and tried to understand the Ambonese people's experiences during and after the riots that had shattered their lives and their community from January to March of this year.

The voices we listened to spoke of pain, suffering and great loss; of confusion and uncertainty as they recalled events and began to look ahead into the future. Until the recent riots, Ambon enjoyed a tradition where people -Christians and Muslims -live amicably side by side. So we heard many questions: "Why?" "What happened between us?" "What caused the clashes pitting neighbour against neighbour, community against community, the destruction of houses, the taking of lives?"

We viewed the burned down houses, churches and mosques. We listened to the voices describing those dreadful days. We heard of "rescued" families, of the "rehabilitation" processes , of plans for "reconciliation" between individuals and local communities, of efforts to restore the corporate life of the once manese -sweet -Ambon.

1. Voices of refugees and internally displaced persons
The refugee camps seemed to mirror the dark skies that accompanied us. We were appalled by the conditions in camps where 200-500 refugee and displaced persons' families waited to return home, or move to locations on land offered by other villages, or to completely new locations on other islands of the Molluccas.

Overcrowding was a serious problem and sanitary conditions were very poor. Individual families were attempting some privacy by putting up cardboard boxes and other items around their sleeping area; privacy while bathing or using the toilet was minimal Women told us of the lack of privacy in sleeping arrangements, their fear when bathing, not enough blankets... Clothing hung from walls and ceiling or on loosely erected clothelines, patches of dry ground or on boxes, because of the rain. Sometimes the drying clothes had to be removed so that our car could get into the camps!

Families were making do with almost nothing since most, if not all, had left their burning homes with only the clothes they were wearing. Kitchens in the camps were often lean-tos against the walls of living areas or in small outbuildings where the women had to wait their turn to cook for their families. Food was scarce, at times; although it was coming in, we were told that it was not always being distributed fairly amongst the various religious communities by local government.

The first camp we visited was filled with farmers from a remote village on the other side of Ambon island. They were attacked during the first riots in January, their houses and church completely burned to rubble. They had walked two-four nights over the mountains and through forests to reach safety. They told us that during the night they were guided by the sparkling eyes of small animals. This spoke to them of God's guidance.

The destruction of their church hit deep into the soul of this community. They have no wish to return and rebuild their village and their church in an area surrounded by Muslim communities. Yet relocation means leaving behind the lands of their ancestors. They felt that reconciliation might be possible in one or two generations, but not now.

Different worries were emphasized at different camps: loss of jobs, lack of money, no schooling for their children, lack of material goods -bankets, spectacles, vegetables, milk, food -fears for their own and their children's health and nutrition. There were always a multitude of worries flooding in to us via the translators.

2. The voice of the church
a) Protestant Church (GPM)
The team met with several groups associated with the Protestant Church of the Molluccas. (GPM). They told us about their experiences during the riots, their plans and continuing anxiety. Again we heard the voices of chaos, pain and suffering.

Women from The GPM women's group (Komisi Wanita), and NGOs called LSM Sofia and BPD Pirwati Maluku described their involvement in the camps, the problems -including stress-related wife abuse, child abuse and the need for trauma and pastoral counselling -and how they were trying to solve them. The PGI Women's programme has been involved in training programmes here.

Meetings organised by the Komisi Wanita helped us piece together the overall story of the riots and their aftermath, the situation in the camps, what is needed to promote reconciliation, and ongoing efforts to overcome the prevailing insecurity and fear.

We met the coordinator of the GPM's Rescue, Rehabilitation and Reconciliation (RRR) Programme of the GPM and the coordinator of the group for the Advocacy of Human Rights. The coordinator of the RRR Programme described the huge task of relocating displaced communities, given their fears about living again with Muslims, in spite of a history of peaceful cohabitation in the past. Scarcity of building materials, their cost, and fair distribution among the communities involved are other problems.

The coordinator and some lawyers from the GPM's Human Rights Advocacy group helped us to grasp this dimension of the aftermath of the riots and the work of reconciliation. They were struggling to ensure justice for those imprisoned by the military at the beginning of the riots in January. It was becoming clear that justice was going to be hard to achieve, given the fact that the system is biased.

b) Catholic women
Listening to members of the Catholic women's organisation, we discovered that in the midst of the atrocities and since then, they had been reflecting quite deeply on the situation. After a warm welcome and a beautifully sung prayer, the stories they shared were stories of hope and optimism.

One woman told us about a Catholic high school attended by children of all communities -Muslim, Protestant and Catholic. A teacher guaranteed all the children's safety and motivated the Christian students to support rather than attack, to love rather than hate.

Another woman told us that her community remained a "riot-free" zone due to the liaison work of a Catholic youth leader who forged an agreement with a Muslim youth leader that there would be no rioting in their community. It was quite a struggle, but they managed to make the agreement stick. At one point when tempers rose, the women called in a priest to pray with the youngsters. They brought glasses of water; after praying over the water, they gave it to the youngsters to drink and cool down their emotions!

A third woman told us that relationships between Christians and Muslims in her office had deteriorated since the rioting. The Christians were optimistic that everything would return to normal but the Muslims were more uncertain.

(Ita Nadia had also told us that some Muslims and Christians had prayed together both in Ambon and in West Kalimantan as a strategy to achieve harmony. This worked, she said, because they had lived together before, and believed in Pelagadong -a philosophy of living together as brother and sister. She said that the military's role in provoking ethnic tensions cannot be completely overlooked; a lot of violence was provoked by power conflicts within the ruling political party and the military.)

c) Local congregations:
On Sunday morning we worshipped in a local congregation led by a woman pastor, who was herself a refugee. The church we worshipped in had housed refugees before they were placed in the homes of relatives and others. After the service, the largely refugee and displaced persons' congregation shared their many experiences with us.

3. Voices of student leaders
We were pleasantly surprised to meet so many young people: 20 young men and three young women. Regrettably, due to communication problems, there was only one Muslim youth among them.

A Roman Catholic student told us that women suffered the most in the riots because they were not protected against the violence. He felt the media did not give a fair account of the events: what happened were clashes between the two communities, not massacres, as reported. He wondered why the army was sent in to quell the violence and not the police. The army used bullets, while tear gas and other less violent police means would have been sufficient. The families of those who died are crying out for revenge. It would take a whole generation to recover from the clashes, he said, and added that the government should take strong action against the smuggling of arms into the Molluccas.

A Student Christian Movement leader wondered where the riots had really started, although he thought that growing unhappiness with the last 32 years of government rule was a root cause. More than 75% of the rioters were under 25 years of age. Thus youth need to be involved in the reconciliation work. Youth organisations -Catholic, Protestant and Muslim -must together build a vision for the future, he said. Only when the truth comes out, with confessions of all those involved, can true peace be restored.

Two issues that need to be dealt with are injustice and gender, and loss of spirituality. Indonesian women have great skills and abilities, but are denied leadership positions. This must be changed, he stated.

The Muslim student apologised for the fact that more Muslims were not present to meet us. According to him, the riots were the result of the accumulation of economic and political power in the hands of an elite few who had abused this power. He felt it was important for government and religious leaders to work with students, and stressed that each should live according to the best values in his or her own religious doctrines.

A woman student said that the women in her village tried to stop the rioting, but their pleas were not heard. Now her anxiety continues because of the army's behaviour towards women. "They use their arrows to make us women surrender to them, like the American army in Vietnam." Women need psychiatric and counselling help now, she said. Referring to the prevailing prejudice against women taking on leadership positions, "God created men and women too," she said.

Another woman student described the sadistic treatment of women during the riots. Even now, her parents are afraid of letting her go out freely. An intense discussion developed on the possibilities of inter-religious marriages. This was the first meeting at which women spoke of their personal stories of suffering due to the riots.

4. Voices of Muslim women
We deeply valued our meeting with the Ambonese Muslim women's organization Wanita Alhidayah, which has been caring for and supporting women and children riot victims. A medical practitioner described the riots' effects on women's health; Wanita Alhidayah has also been providing physical, mental and social health care and counselling. She stressed that religious leaders are needed in the reconciliation process to help ease the anger and help people create a new situation together. Some young people find it hard to accept the reconciliation process, it was said.

Another woman doctor spoke of the riots' effects on children: malnutrition is rampant. Pregnant women are giving birth to premature babies due to the lack of proper nourishment and the tensions they have experienced. Muslim families, like Christian ones, are reluctant to go back to their homes for fear of retaliation and continuing violence.She felt that social justice is needed in the communities.

An example of Muslims and Christians working together on common projects was a May 14 effort at interreligious discussion. This was held up as a good sign for the future.

5. Voices of women street vendors:
We also met with about 100 women street vendors in one of the churches. They are members of a cooperative set up by church women to offer small loans to women to start their own small businesses. They repay the loans by daily installment, but with the economic crisis and the riots, their daily earnings are not enough for a decent standard of living.

The vendors shared their disappointment that without the necessary collateral, women are unable to get loans from banks. Some of the women also lost all they owned in the riots. But in these women, we discovered the amazing resilience and power of women when they work together.

6. Voices of community leaders
a) Governor of the Molluccas
Dr M.S. Latuconsina spent ample time reflecting on the riots with us. Their root cause, he said, was a combination of politics and economics. Reigion has always played a key role in ensuring people's development and has contributed to the spread of science and knowledge, although unfortunately, some schools foster religious fanaticism, he said.

Dr Latuconsina pointed to the gap between rich and poor, and said that the new order is focussed only on physical development. This is not enough; development should be directed towards the soul. Yet religious leaders should take some responsibility for not having focussed more on building a just society, for not having been "watchdogs of social control". He felt that churches and mosques destroyed during the riots were only symbols of religion; religion itself could not be destroyed.

Dr Latuconsina was also self-critical. The government did not foresee the riots and was not prepared to deal with them. He is determined to work with religious leaders on inter-religious dialogue in order to build a new Pelagadong philosophy, especially as new migrants have come to the Molluccas from other islands. The balance between Muslims and Christians was redressed, but many Muslims and Christians have said that they are scared to return to their homes. If they do not dare to go back, the government will relocate them to other islands. The refugees are to be relocated by September, but the government lacks the necessary resources -6000 houses are needed but they have the budget only for 1000!

As well as facilitating interreligious dialogue, the government is planning to organise counselling for those who have lost their houses or family members, assistance for people in finding new jobs, and support for teachers and doctors who are frightened to go into some areas of real need.

b) The leader of the Catholic Church
Bishop Petrus Manjadi expressed gratitude for our visit, which he saw as moral support to the Ambon community. He also felt that the conflict was not a religious one but had political and socioeconomic roots.

The Catholic Church is trying to bring different religious groups together to avoid more division. In a meeting with President Habibie, he had stressed that peace needs justice, that there is no peace without truth, and that the truth about corruption and collusion needs to come out.

Bishop Manjadi said that when the local government says it needs the help of religious leaders, that means it is unable to overcome the problems on its own. Local government is dependent on central government policy.

Bishop Manjadi was concerned about the way women are used as a commodity, in pornography, for instance, and about the secularisation of youth.

7. OUR VOICES
The following personal observations are based on our discussion and reflections together as a team.
a) The hidden voices of women:
We felt we had to peel many layers back to get to the heart of the problem of women in Ambon. This is something they themselves have only now begun to do. The community is obviously still reeling from the shock of what had happened to them over the past few months.

Women need to recover from the shock of the riots and the atrocities. Only then will they will be able to start a reconciliation process. "Why us, why this?" was the question we heard asked again and again. This need to get to the heart of the problem applies especially to the women who were direct victims. They have been traumatized by the burning and destruction of homes, churches, mosques, the killing of neighbours and friends, and the coming of the military.

It will take weeks, months, perhaps longer before the women are able to peel back the layers of trauma and reach the centre where their personal stories are hidden. For their personal healing and for community and national reconciliation, their experiences must be uncovered, named and told. The silence can only be broken by trauma counselling. It will not be easy. Breaking the silence on violence against women never is.

b) Voice of patriarchy
Women's voices are further silenced by patriarchal structures in Indonesian society. In our visits to the camps, men's voices often overpowered those of women, reducing the latter to silence. But we could feel their pain and suffering in their partially told stories... and in their eyes.

c) A theology of sacrifice:
The women's silence is reinforced by a theological perspective that their suffering was part of God's will and that the riots were a "testing by God". In such a theological environment, how is it possible for women to break through the barriers to tell what happened to them personally? Would it not be as if they were speaking against God?

These women need to reclaim their own understanding of God, their own experience of this new violence, and the silencing of their own voices. An Indonesian woman theologian who spoke to us on the last day of our visit made a lot of sense. Rev. Septemmy Lakawa said that Indonesian women are still reeling and need a new image of themselves and their understanding of what happened to them. They need to discover a new voice, she suggested.

d) Strong women:
Looking back on what we had seen and heard, we felt that wherever there was strong leadership -in camps, churches or local congregations - a hopeful atmosphere prevailed. Even in a pathetic situation, people were filled with courage and fresh hope.